Corporate Party Gifts

Boss says, 'I wanna know which ones of you really like me and which ones are just networking.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'May I play through please?'

Beer companies merge.

"You're wondering why I've called you here."

"How come you have your name on your desk, and I get my name on my chest?"

'Managers karaoke night'

'He's a lousy CEO, but you should see him open a walnut.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Bo're'droom

Welcome to the Team

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

Parade of Businessmen

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"You're on top of this week's Sales Pyramid."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

"At the end of the day, I always feel I could have shifted more blame."