Corporate Contradiction Connoisseur Gifts

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Men's business romper.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Basically, you should think outside the box, but don't color outside the lines!

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"Business has been steady."

"No aliens"

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

With-it Woman

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

'I have too much power... but I'm not complaining.'

Mass Confucian

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

New symbol for Public TV: 'The tin cup' (PBS)

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'