Corporate Contradiction Connoisseur Gifts

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Men's business romper.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

"No aliens"

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"Business has been steady."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

With-it Woman

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

Mass Confucian

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

'I have too much power... but I'm not complaining.'

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

'Profit or non-profit?'

"As you can see, the company's performance has been strong."

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'