Corporate Life Connoisseur Gifts

"Maybe I'm too big to fail, but I'm not too big to have my feelings hurt."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The MBA Draft

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Storm in the out tray

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Working hours.

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Born In Captivity.