Corporate Clergy Clash Gifts

Quality Assurance

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

St. Elmo's fired.

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"Yes, I know, Munger. But Wallace Stevens didn't scribble his damned verses on company time."

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

"I don’t understand why they aren’t happy, we give them challenging, demanding work and let them do it 80 hours a week!"

'If you fail to meet your target, you'll lose your Internet privileges for a week.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Warlord

'They didn't kick me upstairs after all -- they threw me down the elevator shaft!'

"I believe around the offices I'm referred to as the rich, fat, b***ard. I like it."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

'To save time, I'll deliver the annual report in the form of a Hiaku.'

"Your job could be worse and I'm open to any suggestion to make it so."

'We don't offer health insurance, but we do allow to Google your medical condition on your lunch hour and see what you find.'

'You're popular? Your workers are (GASP!) satisfied?? I'm afraid you're not the right person for the Head of Department job!'

Male & Female separate company buildings

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

"T.G.I.F."

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Boss is delighted with his Nodding Employee - The ultimate executive toy!