Cord-cutter Champion Gifts

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Cord cutter

Cat in Tree.

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

'All in favor of my idea say 'Aye.' All opposed, say 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers' ten times real fast.'

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

Lumberjack:'TIMBERRRR!' Tree:'MURDERERRRR!'

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

"It's been a rainy winter."

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

'Look out for the park ranger while Bernie and I chop us some firewood!'

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

"My grandma writes me letters like that. I call it the Grandma Font."

You B*****D

"I'm going to knock you on your Axe!!"

Child asks, 'Mum, does your tongue go down to your belly button?'

"Nope. Looks like we're gonna have to use the saw on this one, too."

'Chainsaw Championships.'

'You get to peddle for the next log, Babe.'

The First Tattoo

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'Oh, you cut the cord too?'

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'I hate Mondays!'

Curling & curling while curling.

'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?'