Cord Connoisseur Gifts

"Last week, my husband waded into the cords behind our TV to untangle them, and I haven't seen him since."

Felix Mendelssohn

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

Scarpia's Palace

Curling your hair for no reason

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

B.B. King

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Welcome to the guitar family! Is this all of us? Heck, no! We're just the ones his wife knows about. You'll meet the rest later."

Expensive greeting cards.

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

Moliere

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'I'm looking for something that says 'I love you' without getting too personal.'

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

Dave Brubeck

C Day Lewis.

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Vampire with a violin

Elvis impersonator, managed by Col. Parker's nephew, Eddie.

'The greatest wine in my collection? Why, it's my '45 Chateau Palmer and, oh, what a coincidence, it's right here!'

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

Anton Bruckner.

The Peacock Is Not Renowned For His Bluffing Abilities

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"Hey dude, when I said curls might help, that's not what I meant."

'He was wearing his heart on his sleeve.'

"If your tie's too big I can always take it back."

Music Piracy

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..