Cablecutting Champion Gifts

I'm living proof of evolution, Randy. What? Unlike most of America, I don

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

Lumberjack:'TIMBERRRR!' Tree:'MURDERERRRR!'

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

There! What are the posters? Eco club is promoting walking, biking or bussing to school. That's a good way to save gas! I'm so glad you agree! I need a ride to get them to school!

I'm snagged on the bottom. I'll have to break the line.

"It's been a rainy winter."

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

'Look out for the park ranger while Bernie and I chop us some firewood!'

"I'm going to knock you on your Axe!!"

Pinterest shaming

You B*****D

"Nope. Looks like we're gonna have to use the saw on this one, too."

'Chainsaw Championships.'

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'You get to peddle for the next log, Babe.'

The First Tattoo

"You mind if we take a little break from playing frisbee?"

Einstein felt vindicated to discover that god in fact did not play dice. He did, though, enjoy a nice game of cribbage.

Curling & curling while curling.

'I hate Mondays!'

You should cut the cord. I did it years ago. What do you mean? I canceled cable. I get the same stuff I used to see for much less, by streaming Netflix, Hulu and Amazon through a Roku box

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

I told you, when you chisel a statue, start at the top.

Girl on couch considers channel-hopping to be a sport

'I see that you make friends easily.'

"I'm a societal mutation."

'I hear your wife got another 1st in the knitting contest.'

An Artist Until the End.