Conversational Humor Gifts

Snakes Have Speech Impediments.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

The devil you know and his plus one

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

Corporate Lawyers

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

"That's strange. It must have been slow."

'To summarize: the visual joke brings on a very fast reaction, but the verbal joke is remembered longer.'

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"All the good ones are neutered."

'Another failure to communicate?'

'But I digress.'

Parking validation

'I don't haven to remind you again, do I?'

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

Form follows function

'I haven't quite worked out the logistics of working at home and being able to kiss up to the boss.'

'I tried to join the local rambling club - but the man on the phone just went on and on and on..."

Conversation Topics and Guidelines Approved for this Area...

"Stop talking. This is a cha cha, not a chat chat!"

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

Unclear on the Concept

"This the last time I reply all."

'It's all about hunting and killing with you, isn't it? Why can't you just have fun in the woods?'

"Swinging into action is the easy part. It's the waiting that gets you."

'I never set my phone to 'vibrate.' If I'm purring, I never know if I'm getting a call or not.'

'That will be fine, go ahead and book - it'll just take a couple of days for me to convince him that it was his idea.'

"Perhaps the Nervii are up in arms. Maybe our envoys to Britain have been ambushed. HOw am I suppose to run an empire without a cordless phone?"

"Look, I'm trying to say something here, can you stop butting in?"

'Well, technically I suppose you're not breaking your vow of silence.'