Conceptual Humor Gifts

The devil you know and his plus one

Intelligent people laugh too!

Optimist

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"It's a swearbox."

Schrödinger and his cat

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'This cd is Earth and Wind. There is no fire, yet.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"That's strange. It must have been slow."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

"Our flavors of the day are Prodigal, Importune, and Mal de Siècle."

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

'There are limits to this seriousness, sir!'

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"The ad was a typo. We're looking for an expert in fingerprinting...not finger painting."

Fencing Venn Graph

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"I take it you agree that there can be no meaningful thought without the existence of language."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

"Missing. Pale pink. 1 x 1 inch. Indiscernible neural function. Call 1-800-666-MAGA."

'Sure I'm interested in symbolism. Money is a symbol, isn't it?'

'I did create man in my image, but man evolved.'

"Horse-drawn carriage."

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

"Incentivize me with a paradigm of mesculin greens and grilled chicken."

Slug Nightmares

Paint Ball shop has artists painting balls.

'Are you willing to carry a chip on your shoulder.'