Conceptual Humor Gifts

The devil you know and his plus one

Intelligent people laugh too!

Optimist

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"It's a swearbox."

Schrödinger and his cat

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'This cd is Earth and Wind. There is no fire, yet.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"That's strange. It must have been slow."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"Our flavors of the day are Prodigal, Importune, and Mal de Siècle."

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

Fencing Venn Graph

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"The ad was a typo. We're looking for an expert in fingerprinting...not finger painting."

'There are limits to this seriousness, sir!'

"I take it you agree that there can be no meaningful thought without the existence of language."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

Bob! Relax! You're wagging too hard!

'I did create man in my image, but man evolved.'

A cow with Barbie's proportions.

"Missing. Pale pink. 1 x 1 inch. Indiscernible neural function. Call 1-800-666-MAGA."

'Sure I'm interested in symbolism. Money is a symbol, isn't it?'

"Horse-drawn carriage."

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

"Incentivize me with a paradigm of mesculin greens and grilled chicken."

Slug Nightmares

'Are you willing to carry a chip on your shoulder.'

Nickel-and-dimed to death.