Convent Enthusiast Gifts

"By the way, I prefer to be called 'Sister'. 'Mother' makes me feel too old."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

Non-Fiction / Nun-Fiction

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"Hallelujah!"

Honk if you're holy.

Dr. Simon had a hard time delivering his speech, what with the constant murmur in the room

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Pope Francis

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

Vicar

"Was she a roaming Catholic?"

Pope Francis' visit to America...

'My God - there's two of 'em!'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

Please follow safe worship practices.