Convent Enthusiast Pillows

"By the way, I prefer to be called 'Sister'. 'Mother' makes me feel too old."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Non-Fiction / Nun-Fiction

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Honk if you're holy.

"Hallelujah!"

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Dr. Simon had a hard time delivering his speech, what with the constant murmur in the room

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Vicar

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

"Was she a roaming Catholic?"

Pope Francis

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Pope Francis' visit to America...

'My God - there's two of 'em!'

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

At home with the Pope.

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."