Contract Negotiation Fan Gifts

'In this pyramid we are unionized. We don't accept more than 50 lashes per day.'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

Cat to second cat: 'I need you to sign a pre-nap.'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"You do realize selling your soul will be considered a capital gain."

Sports Lawyers

"My little brother's almost all better. Can I get half-off?"

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

'Dammit, I said 25 Billion Dollars-and not a penny less!'

'I learned everything I need to know about negotiating from watching professional wrestling.'

'They want to know if they can have their arrows back.'

"OK, let's go to contract."

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

We can't top your previous salary, but we can give you a more prestigious email address.

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

'They're still ticked off about losing the cost-of-living allowance.'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'