Contract Negotiation Enthusiast Gifts

Do you realise you're talking to somebody who has a three year rolling contract and who knows where all the bodies are buried?

'If you wish to retain my rock star client's talents you're going to need to pay a rock star price.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'My final offer.'

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

Cat to second cat: 'I need you to sign a pre-nap.'

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'Thanks for coming. Now, let's see if we can bring this negotiation to closure.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

'In this pyramid we are unionized. We don't accept more than 50 lashes per day.'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"He's right, but he didn't have to rub our faces in it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"