Contract Negotiator Gifts

'OK, in the new contract, you get your birthdays off, and on my birthday, you work twice as hard.'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

"No, I didn't read a scary book! I just read management's latest contract proposal."

"I've been traded to another HMO for an orthopedist to be named later."

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

Cat to second cat: 'I need you to sign a pre-nap.'

Sports Lawyers

"Ok, Ok, I'll see what I can do about your contract.. now get off and give one of the kids a go!"

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Changing Minds

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"