Classic Job Negotiation Fan Gifts

Servant's Request

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Here's the feasibility study you wanted, Chief."

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

'In this pyramid we are unionized. We don't accept more than 50 lashes per day.'

'You're asking for money? Now you're really pushing it.'

"You do realize selling your soul will be considered a capital gain."

"Maxwell, you idiot! You mailed copies of your last letter to our entire contact list."

'Actually, Carruthers, if you take the world average income, you're grossly overpaid.'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

'I learned everything I need to know about negotiating from watching professional wrestling.'

'They want to know if they can have their arrows back.'

We can't top your previous salary, but we can give you a more prestigious email address.

"Boss, my living wage is on life support!"

'Its going to be difficult to replace you. Especially on the salary we were paying.'

'Well, the new contract appears to be a win-win, just not for physicians.'

What about the company car you promised?

'I appreciate the new title, Mr Boyle, but what I could really use is a raise.'

'This is the second time in sixteen years you've put in for a raise Wilson. Is money all you think about?! '

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pittance of a salary that goes with the job!"

"Does the job hold many challenges?"

'What a great lawyer! -- He plea-bargained me into a job with the city!'

'How soon can you start?'

"Higher wages, lower urinals."

"Tell R&D that I'm going to reinstate their benefits - quick!"

"Someone's misfiled Harrington."

'Think about it, we have leverage: If he doesn't want to give us a raise, we can threaten to reveal his tricks...'

"You're hired, starting pay is twenty bucks an hour, later it can go up to thirty."