Contract Decipherer Gifts

'I got all woozy reading the restrictions in my health insurance contract!'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

Great, I need to use the mobile phone to ring for help to understand the contract so I can buy the phone.

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'...just robbing peter to pay paul...what's up with you?'

'Okay. Now. Insert Part K into slot G...'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"It doesn't bother me so much since he signed that NDA."

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

Shipping contract.

Europe and TTIP

"Now, if you'll just sign right here, Mr. Hark, you'll make the biggest mistake of your life!"

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

"Just sign here, sir - it clears me of any responsibility."

"Oh, don't worry about that, it's just the grey area ..."

Pharmacist, prescriptions - "It's a forgery, I can read it."

Dept of statistics: 'vital...nonessential'.

'That all sounds like waffle and legalese.'

'This is a rip-off!'

'I love the message, but the art leaves me cold blooded!'

'His paintings always have a message.'

'Beetles...I heard if you listen to their songs backwards, there are cryptic messages.'

But this doesn't really define me

"More misinformation."

'One letter at a time.'

'This looks very good, no traces of any fine print.'