Deal Decipherer Gifts

'If the small print just locks me into the sweltering airtight hellhole that is the service agreement, we're in business.'

Europe and TTIP

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

That's supposed to say garage sale!

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Sale.

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

Pizza Special: 5 Pizzas for $50 (Limit 4).

'hold the blog - I got a bargain in the sales'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

The Bargain Brand

IKEA Book

Black Friday

'...just robbing peter to pay paul...what's up with you?'

Boomerang Sale! - No Returns

"As you know we've made a lot of acquisitions lately, and the last one we made seems to have resulted in us buying ourselves."

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'

'I hope you kept the receipt.'

Buy 1 Get 1 Free. Buy 2 You're Stupid.

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

"How much is the sign?"

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

Money clip liquidation sale.