Contract Reader Gifts

"I wouldn't spend too long reading it - the first payment's almost due."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

No Immediate Danger

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

Yes, That Was The Exit

'It's almost as if they knew!'

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

Stadium. No fans allowed. In baseball, "shutout" now has two meanings.

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."