Contract Decoder Gifts

'This is a rip-off!'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Information vs. confusion

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

Punk Rock

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"It doesn't bother me so much since he signed that NDA."

"This is my voice mail."

Shipping contract.

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

"Now, if you'll just sign right here, Mr. Hark, you'll make the biggest mistake of your life!"

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

Text/Subtext Message