Contract Czar Gifts

'He's been driven mad by reading about all these huge litigation cases...'

'My son is fit and healthy so make sure he does his PE lesson today. . . Always proof read a 3rd party supplier contract. Love Mum.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

The Devil's in the detail!

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Actually, I worked my way up from ideas and you can too!"

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

'Let's run it through legal.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."