Considering Higher Education Gifts

"Maybe it's time we look into home colleging."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Interdisciplinary studies.

Continuing education.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

All Hail the Matriarchy

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Football team discussions.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

End of Affirmative Action

Student Debt

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

"First I'm getting a Bachelor's Degree, the a Master's Degree, then a Doctor's Degree!"