Considering Higher Education Pillows

"Maybe it's time we look into home colleging."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Interdisciplinary studies.

Continuing education.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Football team discussions.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

Student Debt

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

End of Affirmative Action

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

"I have a question: does intersectionality take into account that frequent power outages in my country may not allow me to sit through this webinar?"