Higher Education Discussion Gifts

"Dad, I took the money out of my college fund, but I decided not to go to college."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Interdisciplinary studies.

Continuing education.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"Now that was post-modern sex."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"So, what are you reading?"

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Football team discussions.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

Student Debt

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

End of Affirmative Action

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?