Conscious Meat Lover Gifts

"It's an attempt to make the whole process less stressful on the animals."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Steak Ted?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

Important Food Groups

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

Cow of BEEF

Butcher's shop has 'Cuts of salami' sign: End, Middle, Other End.

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Platter confusion.

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Would you mind putting the barbecue out?

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

*=Hotdog

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

'A lovely day, a good meal, and, thank heaven, no guilt.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"Hmmm... what would Scooby Doo?"

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."