Conscientious Financier Gifts

"I'll invest, but you must promise none of my money will go towards that Robert Mugabe."

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

Financial Prudence disappears.

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'We put the little old lady of Threadneedle Street into a care home.'

'I do know the value of a dollar... that's why I've asked for five...'

'I'm here to test the magic 8-ball.'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

Fur Coat and Turtle Neck Protest.

Half a loaf is better than none..

'I appreciate all you've done to help me to relax but I still get nervous twinges when I get your bill.'

Investments: 'We now offer 'social conscience' funds and 'corporate ethics' funds'.

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

'Say cheese.'

Ethical investment - piggy bank

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

"She wants to make sure we don't lose her money..."