Conscientious Financier Pillows

"I'll invest, but you must promise none of my money will go towards that Robert Mugabe."

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

Financial Prudence disappears.

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

'We put the little old lady of Threadneedle Street into a care home.'

'I do know the value of a dollar... that's why I've asked for five...'

'I'm here to test the magic 8-ball.'

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

'I appreciate all you've done to help me to relax but I still get nervous twinges when I get your bill.'

Half a loaf is better than none..

What would Jesus Do

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

Fur Coat and Turtle Neck Protest.

Investments: 'We now offer 'social conscience' funds and 'corporate ethics' funds'.

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

Ethical investment - piggy bank

'Say cheese.'

I bought this car on the lay-awake plan� I lay awake at night wondering when the repo man is going to come and haul it away.