Conqueror Wannabe Gifts

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Inaction Figure

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

It's for you.

"Sure we'll get in trouble, but our science grades will make up for it."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

My First Boat

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'No, I'm not a connoisseur, but I do have a website.'

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

As he picked up the video game controller, the trap was sprung, and Ryan's mother forced him to fill out college applications.

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

'I do try to walk more! The donut shop is a good 1/2 block further tan the health food store!'

Attila is No. 1! We heart Attila! Hooray for Attila! Attila is the man! Yell your king my warriors and I want his castle! Who shall I say is calling?

Lost your helmets during the battle, huh? Who's laughing now?

"It's tough sticking to a diet when you're surrounded by temptation."

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

Speed Checked by Radar.

"You're too late, again Procrastination Man."

"The Heavens Will be Mine."

"You are right...testing shows you have chocolate in your DNA."

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

"Doctor, there is a correlation between violence and the low-fat diet. Right now, I'd kill for a doughnut!"

"There's no increase in salary, but the position does come with a cape."