Connoisseur Of Vices T-Shirts

Tobacconist recomending cigars to a buyer

The Philip Marlow family

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

Crime Writer's Society.

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"You're so vein."

Confession Ratings.

'I know those big money deals from NIGERIA are a scam, but this e-mail is from NEW GUINEA!'

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

The Sphinx Speaks

Warning Wisecracks or good-natured barbs alcohol maybe hazardous to your health,

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

Big Brother.

Frivolous Fraud Squad

"Forgive me, Father ... I forgot to take my Beano."

'His habitues tended to be cobbers in mutches.'

'And to his son, he has left his Leprosy.'

"This martini in canonical."

"One day all this will be yours."

Pointing in outrage

You have the right to remain silent

"Does this count as photo I.D.?"

I bragged about catching a fish a meter in lenght but it was the size of a sardine.

'Darn it, Marvin! Can't you do anything right?'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'