Connoisseur Of Dark Humor T-Shirts

"Hugo Chavez associated me with George Bush? How dare he mention me in the same sentence as that man!"

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Vlad the Impala

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Dead Funny

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Housekeeping?!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."