Connected Couple Pillows

'It was okay until I lost my cell phone signal.'

"A quiet, romantic table for two – not that it’ll do any good."

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

Online Dating

"My computer just texted me."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

Sauvignon Bonk

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

Difference of Opinion

Mixed Doubles.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

Couples' therapy

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."