Organized Couple Pillows

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Where your mind & battle are los

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Let's get organized

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Cry babies.

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Gay Times...

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Couples' therapy

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

Good Luck!

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Maybe clean out your wallet

His Her Cakes

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

"It's too late for Jim. The tchotchkes have him now."