Connected Couple Mugs

'It was okay until I lost my cell phone signal.'

"A quiet, romantic table for two – not that it’ll do any good."

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

Online Dating

"My computer just texted me."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Sauvignon Bonk

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

Try to guess the continent dining...

Cat Towels

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

Difference of Opinion

Mixed Doubles.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'