Couple's Coach Pillows

'It's one of my many talents. I can not talk and not listen at the same time.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"Isn't it our marriage counselor sitting there?"

'I thought he'd change his spots, but he hasn't!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

Online Dating

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"My computer just texted me."

'Your website or mine?'

"Am I through to the next round?"

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

Evolution of love

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

Counselor.