Couple's Coach Pillows

'It's one of my many talents. I can not talk and not listen at the same time.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"Isn't it our marriage counselor sitting there?"

'I thought he'd change his spots, but he hasn't!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

Online Dating

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

"My computer just texted me."

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'Your website or mine?'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Am I through to the next round?"

Duvet nailed to the floor.

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

'Why don't we slip into something a little more comfortable...like the leisure section.'

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

Counselor.

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

"That's the dating guru."