Congregational Comedian Gifts

"Is writing 'wait for laughter' on your sermon really necessary?"

"Ten, night, eight, seven. . . ."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Church restrooms

'We are gathered here...'

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Seats in all parts!"

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

Trump in Washington

Conflicted Chief

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

Campaign Headquarters: For a $500 contribution, the candidate will shake your hand ans sustain eye contact with you for five seconds.

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"We were going to adopt a highway, but Rachel thought there would be less red tape if we adopted an overpass."

Church: Built by Guilt.

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

"If only these kids had grown up with the same role models we had, then maybe they wouldn't look so damn ridiculous!"

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

Punks with blue/pink hair meet old people with blue/pink rinses.