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Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

How's my sermon. . .

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'So what have you been up to?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

Welcome to Teamville, Population: 7 ... great people to work with.

Minister Starts at a New Church

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"We were sad last year when we couldn't have the whole family over for the holidays, right?"

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

Thomas was brought up by his extended family

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

Large Whist Party in Small Room

Happy Holidays: Peace children.

'Buy this house and get two wonderful neighbours!'

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"The lesbian world welcomed me with open arms -- I can;t just leave."

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

The Stand-about society.