Congregation Companion T-Shirts

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

"I heard they mate for life."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

Best friends without borders.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'Thanks for keeping me company Liz: Sitting on my eggs all day long can be a bit lonely...'

How To Be Your Own Best Friend

"Sure, it's disgusting, but it's nice to have something that needs me."

McHappy

Miss Frumkin, take a fugue in G minor.

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"Line one, the youth group calling from up the creek without a paddle...line two, Mrs. Kavanaugh calling from down in the dumps...line three, Virgil Larrison calling from death's door..."

Crust is Risen! Pizza Nite

Designated Walker

Memories that still sear

"See that beautiful meadow at the base of Mount Mansfield? That's where I'm going to dump you."

'Is this seat taken?'

"Confound it - stop talking in tongues while I'm talking in tongues."