Congregation Engager T-Shirts

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

An informed voter is a good voter

Arizona In Black

Unanimous voting.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Midwest Winter Items.

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'They're just a few bored students with some vague ideology. They'll be gone and forgotten in no time.'

'I know zero about the issue, so I can't be called a 'Washington insider'.'

Follow God On Twitter

"We're still trying to sort out the details."

Corrupt politicians,

Voter impatience.

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I stopped paying attention to polls since a poll showed voters prefer someone who ignores the polls.'

Election Meddling

Throwing out baby with the bath water.

'They gave me ten years in the private sector!'

The Light at the End of the Tunnel