Congregation Lover Pillows

'These beat Facebook friends any time ...'

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

How's my sermon. . .

'So what have you been up to?'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

Paranoia vs Social Currency.

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

Welcome to Teamville, Population: 7 ... great people to work with.

Minister Starts at a New Church

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"We were sad last year when we couldn't have the whole family over for the holidays, right?"

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

Thomas was brought up by his extended family

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

HappyHouse Daycare. Family-owned & family-run since this many (fingers showing a count of seven) years.

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

Large Whist Party in Small Room

Happy Holidays: Peace children.

'Buy this house and get two wonderful neighbours!'

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"The lesbian world welcomed me with open arms -- I can;t just leave."

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'