Conception Journey Pillows

"I hate these stupid egg hunts."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"I'm so good at this!"

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Look, son, real estate."

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

Biological Alarm Clock.

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

The relay race

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

Obstetrics.

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

Bypass the Falls

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers