Competitive Collector Gifts

Auction parking: Winners/Losers

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Do you buy cars here?"

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

'God's speed.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Too much club."

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

Man on Stilts in a Market

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Over-reaction Man.

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

Acme Flyswatters.

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

James May

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

'How old is this vase?'

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!