Modern Collector Gifts

Dear Mr Rembrandt, thanks for the link to the server where the data of your painting is located. I have transferred the 45.000 euros. Trading on NFT platforms is not as dubious as some old-fashioned folks say.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Wagging Dog

Early Colour TV

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

The original paperless office

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"He's an abstract artist."

Pre-Television Man Caves

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

Art Gallery.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Gadzook used armour. Only one careful owner.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

JET (Part I)

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'