Commuter Pundit Gifts

"The reason buses run late is because they keep stopping to let people get on and off!"

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

The Enemies Within? They're the Boys in Blue

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

Metrocard error messages

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

King Commute.

"Baldo, you can't flip off people in a big city like this! You never know what kind of crazies are out there! What if they follow us home?"

'Elevator's fixed.'

'Remind me not to carpool with Paul again.'

'It's an app that tells me when metro will get its act together.'

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

Bus of Fools

'I'll fix you! But Good!'

'I was assured that this would be a double decker bus.'

"I get here at 6 a.m. and leave by 3 so I can beat the swarm."

"Cockfosters!"

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! If I may have just a moment of your time. My name is edward, and I'll be sitting here reading the paper with my mouth shut. Thank you for your time, have a good evening, and God bless!"

Getting the Finger

"Excuse me driver, but your guard is stuck in the doors!"

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '