Communion Collector Gifts

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

Servicemen.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

Unusual Offers

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

A Rifle Competition in the North

'This is your lucky day!'

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

'Does it come on Disc?'

Horace Greeley's Storm Battered Coat and Hat

Count Von Moltke.

Sergeant Stripes

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

'No collar, no din-din,' said Mrs. Flint firmly. 'Omigosh,' thought Larry, 'Fifi will never give it back!'

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

What You Came In For In The First Place And Forgot Aisle.

"So with 50% sale discount, plus the 30% early bird reduction, a 10% bonus for paying in full and a $100 cash back... we owe you $1.75"

"Is it just me or does the dog seem calmer since you got it that new collar?"

Time-Off Coupons

'Just think of me as your life coach.'

NY Tribune Joins NY Herald on Hobby Horse of Anti-Grant Editorials

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

Work clothes.

"Dog food coupons! Dog food coupons!"