Communication Jesters Gifts

"We talk all the time."

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"Hello?"

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'It's for you.'

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

"Hold on, I have an announcement. Facebook password Missywillow 555, please move your car or it will be towed."

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

Trapeze artists.

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

"We're having some marital issues... we hardly talk anymore!"

'DO me a favor. Don't keep saying 'Hi. How's it going?' whenever you swim past me.'

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'You spend all your time indoors trolling people. In my day we went out doors and mugged someone.'

I agree with you Sadie. It's a total waste. What is? Facebook. It just sucks up your time, with the chatting and the updates and the Scrabble playing. Scrabble? People play on Facebook, or their iPhones, or casual game sites. Total waste. I love Scrabble! Hook baited. Internal conflict!

Man on stilts on cell phone.

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

"Whu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uht?"

Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...

"I can't live under a bridge, Mom and Dad. I want to be an internet troll."