Communication Jesters Mugs

"We talk all the time."

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

"Hello?"

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"Hold on, I have an announcement. Facebook password Missywillow 555, please move your car or it will be towed."

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

'It's for you.'

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

"We're having some marital issues... we hardly talk anymore!"

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

Trapeze artists.

'DO me a favor. Don't keep saying 'Hi. How's it going?' whenever you swim past me.'

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'You spend all your time indoors trolling people. In my day we went out doors and mugged someone.'

Man on stilts on cell phone.

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"Whu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uht?"

Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

"I can't live under a bridge, Mom and Dad. I want to be an internet troll."