Commodities Gifts

'I took my money out of the bank and put it into municipal bonds...'

"Now, don't go and do anything over the weekend that will upset the price of crude oil."

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'I'm usually cautious as heck, but last Tuesday I got this hot tip on peanut futures in south Georgia...'

'I handle commodities and Dietrich here specialises in stocks and bonds.'

The gold price chart.

'And I'm pleased to report that your gold futures are panning out.'

Jake strikes crude oil.

Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, Russia and Qatar agree to freeze oil production

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Motorherd

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Science fiction fans on other planets

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'How would you like to trade in our pork bellies pit?'

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

S**t Creek Halt

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'The sedative wears off in an hour. With the attached transmitter we can monitor his trading volume and patterns, commissions and mating rituals.'

Traders on floor of commodities exchange see kidneys trade on the quote board.

Complex Carbs

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' colour

'Pork bellies are up...'

'I'm pretty sure this means the price has finally hit bottom.'

"You really shouldn't shop when you're hungry."

'You were in commodities - cattle, stuff like that - so you must feel right at home here.'

"Grandpa, if I ever decide to get involved in farming, it will be strictly as a commodities broker."