Commodity Dealer Gifts

Animal Vegetable Mineral

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'I took my money out of the bank and put it into municipal bonds...'

"It goes from the factory to us in $29,500."

General Motors.

'How would you like to trade in our pork bellies pit?'

Man with desk organizers labelled 'Wheeling' and 'Dealing'.

S**t Creek Halt

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

'I handle commodities and Dietrich here specialises in stocks and bonds.'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

'The sedative wears off in an hour. With the attached transmitter we can monitor his trading volume and patterns, commissions and mating rituals.'

Traders on floor of commodities exchange see kidneys trade on the quote board.

Masochism for stockholders.

'I'm pretty sure this means the price has finally hit bottom.'

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

'Pork bellies are up...'

'You were in commodities - cattle, stuff like that - so you must feel right at home here.'

"Grandpa, if I ever decide to get involved in farming, it will be strictly as a commodities broker."

Coronavirus and the Stock Market

'Down here, greed is totally unregulated.'

Back to School '95

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"

"Red 14...No, it's black 23, no, no..it's..."

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, Russia and Qatar agree to freeze oil production

Commodities Exchange. Around here, unloading 50 tons of pork bellies is not a physically demanding task.

Behind closed doors at the extremely complicated job of determining gas prices.