Commercial Break Philosophers Gifts

'School would be all right if you could just go during commercials.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Working Holiday

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

Job satisfaction comes from doing what you enjoy, without the boss finding out.

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

Worked Well In Groups...

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

Stress Clinic: 'Stepped out to smell the roses.'

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

Primordial Schmooze

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

Who's In Charge Here?

'And to think I was worried it'd be lonely at the top!'

Sign: Globo Corporation: A company on a journey to find its authentic self, guided by the traditional disciplines of Western Capitalism.

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

"I wanted to take a moment to recognize your selfless dedication to this company, which assists in my selfish dedication to me."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."

'I propose a cooling off period of 100 years?'