Commentary Analyst Gifts

Primetime Minister

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

Wifi in Hell

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Sir Patrick Moore.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Tree of Public Opinion.

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

"The only thing missing is Joe Buck."

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

With Liberty handcuffed,,the thought police pursue happiness,

"This is gonna be great!"