Comical Care Gifts

Jelly I.V.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"Bingo! Found it!"

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Golf cart in the hospital.

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

IV Bags: Main and Afters

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"Now where was I?"

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

Rattle Snake in Love with Baby

"My dad works in surveillance."

A nurse Reports A Patient's Condition To The Doctor.

'I was stuck in traffic for two hours on the way here, so I have my urine sample ready.'

...The decimal point was in the wrong place.

'Weaning is a bit like a divorce, but mum always gets custody of me.'

"Wouldn't a teething ring be better than a house-brick?"

"Oops – I think that was a tan line."

'I had that for lunch!'

'Have you tried enjoying the aches and pains?'

'Relax. Mr. Miller. It's just a standard prostate exam.'

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

'He was doing fine before Shena ripped the EKG patches off his chest...'

'With a few years of physical therapy, I think there's a good possibility that you could get a job as a paperweight!'

'It should be changed every 3000 miles? Better change it three times, then.'

"My diagnosis is you have an arrow through your head, but to be safe, I'll order a series of tests."